Ashes to Ashes

I have two co-workers, 60ish brothers, who tell the most wonderful, twisted tales from their very unusual, eccentric growing up years. They are two of five brothers who apparently had one crazy adventure after another while growing up including their college years. Their Mother must have had the patience of a Saint! They weren't bad boys, just very mischievous in very clever and witty ways. I have known these two guys and their wives for 20+ years and the wives say that even now, in their early 60's, every Christmas is just hysterical with each brother trying to outdo the others with the funniest/cleverest/wittiest gifts. I wish someone in the family would write a book....I'd be the first one in line to buy it!



Sadly, one of the Brothers passed away about 2 years ago. His ashes have now been divided up among the other Four, and I'm now hearing tales of what each one is planning to do with "Brother", and how it will be done.....for instance, "Brother" loved the movie "The Great Escape"....do you remember it? Remember what the prisoners did with the dirt they removed from the tunnel???....Yep! that's right! (it had to do with a few spoonfuls at a time in the cuffs of their pants...) I'm quite sure "Brother" would be both pleased and proud of all the plans presently being made on his behalf. Talk about carrying on family traditions!



Anyway, all of this has gotten me thinking about what I would like my family to do with "me" someday when the time comes. Why not put my blog to good use and put my final wishes in writing for my kids? At least they can't say they didn't know what I wanted....you'll all be my witnesses!


Dear 3 Children Of Mine:
I know I've sort of mentioned a version of this before, but I've seen the eye rolling and weird faces so I know you haven't taken me seriously (as usual!). Therefore, please take notice of what I'm about to tell you here and I really and truly mean it, so pay attention!!

1. Cremation, please

2. NO FUNERAL!! A fun and happy party/memorial with lots of food where you can make fun of me all you want since I won't be there to hear it, would be just fine. And if you use any photos, just make sure you use pictures that make me look thin, OK? (I hear photoshop is really good...)

3. Divide up my ashes between you 3 and all the Grandkids. And since I hope to be around for at LEAST 30 more years, I could possibly have teenage GREAT-Grandkids by then, so I'm thinking those little snack-size ziplocks should probably be just about right.

4. Each person should pick out some kind of tree to plant in their yard and sprinkle my ashes in the hole before planting it. Then everyone will have a "MIMI" tree to remember me by. My preference would be some kind of fruit tree, maybe apricot or nectarine, or something that blooms with flowers, but I guess I'll leave that up to each one of you.

....And that's it! See, that wasn't so bad was it? (quit laughing Josh)

And if any of you 3 are really laughing at me I promise you I'll drop all my leaves as often as possible so you'll have lots of raking to remember me by!!#*&$#!

Rindercella

I had heard that you can find absolutely anything on the internet these days. I now know it's true.....I have proof:

Do you remember "the Gong Show" from the '70's? For those of you too young to remember this HUGELY popular show I'll explain:

The Gong Show was a VERY popular game show/amateur talent show. There were game-show-celebrity judges and if they liked your act they let you finish and then gave you a score of 1-10. If they hated you they would bang a gong and you were done....you'd been "gonged!". The person with the highest score won a prize of $516.32 and a golden gong trophy.

Wellllll.......32 years ago in 1977, my (then) brother-in-law performed a funny act on the show and actually won the prize! He recited a poem in an unusual way. Recently something reminded me about this... I wonder if it would still be funny today in 2009? Hmmmmm.....I wonder if there's any way that clip could be on the internet? .....I sat down at the computer.....I wonder if I could find something about his act. How can I research this? I remember the name of the poem was "Rindercella"......I decided to just try Google first and typed in the words "Gong Show Rindercella"....and BAM!! Guess what was the first thing that popped up from YouTube?!! Yep!! There he was doing his act......time elapsed: 5 SECONDS!!

and WHY? WHY? is this 32 year old Gong Show clip of 2.42 minutes on YouTube? Who put it there? Are all the hundreds of clips from that show on the internet? or just some of them? and why this one? What the heck!!!.....WHY IS THIS CLIP ON THE INTERNET?!!! Oh, wait...I know the answer to that question...

BECAUSE APPARENTLY EVERYTHING IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE UNIVERSE IS ON THE INTERNET! that obviously can be the only explanation......

now go here and watch my brother-in-law doing his act (and yes, it's still funny)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhRdD1OU_nE

some like it hot...and spicy!

Daughter had a houseguest last week from Central California, 400 miles away from here. She mentioned that she had heard good things about a spice store in Temecula, the next town over....WHAT? A SPICE STORE? IN TEMECULA? WHY DO WE NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS?!

So, on my Wednesday off, Daughter and I found OLD TOWN SPICE MERCHANTS just 15 minutes away


This wonderful shop is owned by Anthony & Sue Del Bono. It's only been open a year but is doing quite well already. There are only five stores in the country: this one, one in Lake Havasu, AZ, and 3 in Michigan. if you live anywhere near one of these locations and you love to cook, please go there ASAP!



We were so excited the minute we walked in! The aroma is incredible and there are so many varieties of so many things! If you read my last post, you know how both of us are feeling these days about food and cooking as we are trying to lose quite a few pounds between us. The aromatherapy of this place left us feeling energized and excited about trying new flavors and new recipes within the structure of the "Lean for Life" program.




SPICY CHILE POWDERS and DRIED PEPPERS




SPICE BLENDS for everything you can think of



nd even a whole section of SALTS & PEPPERS





We took home quite a few enticing flavors:


Vietnamese Cinnamon
Greek Oregano (instead of the ususal Mexican variety)
Green Chile Powder (I love green sauces on mexican food!)
Smoked Paprika
Feta Cheese powder
Balsamic Fish rub
Smoked Tomato seasoning
Autumn Spice blend

On the way home we both agreed that we needed to bring Oldest Son/Brother since he is quite an adventurous cook, even more than we are. Daughter said "Let's make it a Secret Outing!"

my kids grew up on "secret outings" in the 70's & 80's. My neighbor and I would gather all our kids together and announce a "secret outing" for the day. Then, no matter what our plan was or where we ended up, the excitment of not knowing ahead of time made it that much more fun. Whether it was the beach, a new park we'd never been to before, a children' musuem, or driving 30 minutes away to the only MacDonalds in the area with a playground (they were scarce in those days) the best part of these outings was the secret part.

When we told Son/Brother that we needed 1 hour of his time on Saturday for a "Secret Outing" he laughed (remember, he's 33 now) and started reminiscing about all the outings he remembered. He even admitted to me, after all these years, that some of those outings ended up being disappointing in the destination, but that the secretiveness of them saved the day!

He really enjoyed the shop, too, coming away with plenty of things for his next cooking adventure:

Indian Curry

White Peppercorns

Raspberry Chipotle blend

Morroccan Couscous

The green chile powder is delicious in scrambled eggs and the balsamic fish rub made great salmon patties! Tomorrow I'm making roasted tomato soup using the smoked tomato seasoning......

YAY! A REASON TO LIVE!...COOKING IS FUN AGAIN AND THE RECIPES ARE FORMING THEMSELVES IN MY HEAD AS WE SPEAK!

Thanksgiving Eve and a Birthday

I love cooking Thanksgiving dinner. I love the planning of menus and all the preparation, even the grocery shopping. Not just for Thanksgiving...any party or get together than needs food prepared and served, I'm there! Now that Daughter lives nearby, it's even more fun. We feel the same about cooking and doing it together just makes it all the better. We have 3 days in a row of family dinners coming up: Thursday, Friday, and Saturday! Different homes, different menus, different family configurations.

For those of you that might be feeling overwhelmed by the meal you'll be cooking tomorrow or the number of guests you're expecting, let me tell you a story to put things in perspective for you.........

28 years ago tomorrow, my youngest child, Jordan Clifford Parker, was born on Thanksgiving Day. The nurses put turkey stickers all over his little bassinet and called him my "turkey baby".

Today he is a successful Chef, living and working on Martha's Vineyard among the rich and famous. He works at the very expensive Harbor View Hotel & Resort. Because this is the off-season, there is only a skeleton staff. For this Thanksgiving weekend, however, they are booked solid and Son has 470 reservations for the Thanksgiving Buffet tomorrow and he only has one other Chef working with him.....that's two people to make a full buffet for 470.... TWO PEOPLE!!#$%!!! They've worked 15 hour days for the last 4 days and he says everything is going according to schedule (luckily, he's a very calm, laid back person and very organized). Also, the Pastry Chef is gone for the season and neither Son or the other chef really do baking or pastry! Keep that in mind as you read this list of just some of the things they have made or are making as we speak.....

40 turkeys

30 hams

80 lb. beef shank roast (for carving)

45 pecan pies

40 pound cakes w/stewed fruit

450 individual pumpkin tartlets

40 lbs. of cornbread for stuffing

1000 crab cakes

100 hard-boiled eggs to peel

1200 raw oysters to shuck

3 salads

cheese and meat platters

full seafood bar

all the usual Thanksgiving side dishes

.........two people....TWO PEOPLE!!!! (and that's only the stuff I can remember!)

Kinda makes your 1 puny little turkey and a few mashed potatoes look kind of silly doesn't it? Just the thought of having to peel 100 hard-boiled eggs makes my head spin.....

AND if the resort is booked solid for the whole weekend it doesn't end there! There will be 3 more days of regular meals to prepare, too (for two people!) Where is there time in all that for a Birthday? or sleep? or even time to think? It's a good thing he loves his job......

HAPPY 28th BIRTHDAY JORDY.....I love you, your family loves and misses you so far away, and we all wish we could be there to help (that would be so much fun!) We're all looking forward to having you home at Christmas so we can all be in the kitchen together making tamales.......

Debbie Hulk?

Don't you just love the great stuff you get to hear when you're driving in the car with little ones? You just might get to be part of some very interesting conversations if you're paying attention.........

Yesterday I was driving with 4yr. old Granddaughter and 3yr. old Grandson in the backseat. They were discussing the fact that grandson wants to be "The Hulk" for Halloween:

Granddaughter: "Mimi, is there a girl hulk?"
Me: "Well, I don't know! I don't think so, I've never heard of one."
Granddaughter: "Well, there SHOULD be one! And her name should be.......DEBBIE INCREDIBLE HULK!......and she should turn PINK instead of green!.....oh yeah, and she should have a bow in her hair."

I think we might have a budding screenwriter on our hands! Do you think I could sell Hollywood on the idea of DEBBIE HULK?

Funny Girl!

When we went to the San Diego County Fair earlier this summer, 4 yr. old Grace was the first one to notice that this pig shared her name!

As we all stood there "admiring" Grace the Pig laying next to a big mound of dirt, Grace the granddaughter exclaimed " Oh look! That pig made a SANDCASTLE!".

HA! HA! That girl just cracks me up!!! I'm writing that one down in the family story book for sure!

A Chicken Love Story

One of my favorite read-every-day blogs is written by Kathi D who often writes about all the chicken-y things going on at her place. This has inspired me to tell a story from my own past.

The grandkids love this story the best of all the family stories: the one about Grandpa Dave and his Chicken Girlfriend..... a Chicken Love Story (and I swear every word of it is true!)

About a thousand years ago, in the early 80's, when my kids were small and I still had a husband, we lived in the middle of a 200 acre avocado grove (not ours) and we had chickens. My (then) husband LOVED those chickens! He spent a lot of time up the hill near the chicken coop, hanging around observing those chickens. Now, even though we had a coop of sorts, these chickens had free run of the avocado grove most of the time.

One day husband came in the house and said to me," Come with me, you've got to see this to believe it!". As we got near the chicken coop, one of the hens came running over to husband and turned around and squatted in front of him, doing the typical chicken mating dance! (if you've ever had hens AND a rooster you know what I'm talking about!) Every time he walked away, she would chase him, run in front of him and squat down again. She'd been doing this all day! That poor little hen was in love with my husband! Believe me, this was the funniest thing I'd ever seen in my life! She continued to do this for several days every time she saw husband come near.

Well, unfortunately for everyone (you'll see) this little hen already had a husband of her own! We had a VERY LARGE rooster, the size of my 3 yr.old! Because he was big and mean and black, (and it was the 80's, remember) his name was" MR.T" and we were all afraid of him. Well, everyone except husband (although he did collect eggs with a childs baseball bat in his hand...)

After this chicken-y flirting had gone on for quite a few days, Mr.T obviously had enough of seeing one of his hen-wives giving too much attention to another male and decided to do something about it. One afternoon as husband was making his way through the grove, Mr.T leaped out from behind a tree and attacked husband at eye level, wings flapping and claws and spurs extended. He really meant business!! He clawed, pecked, and spurred husbands head and face, catching the corner of his eye and just missing hitting him in the temple with one of those deadly spurs! There was much blood and gore, but really only superficial wounds. I could hear the commotion all the way down the hill in the house!#*!/#*!!

Needless to say, that was Mr.T's last hour on earth, because, as you know, love triangles ALWAYS end badly. Someone always gets their heart (or neck, in this case!) broken.




...and that is my Chicken Love Story.